Too Much

Some days your head is filled with so many memories and your heart is filled with so much lonliness that it hurts too much. Today is that day for me. I'll post more another day.

Playing Waitress

There's nothing more fun for kids than getting to play waitress/waiter. Did you ever do that as a kid? We're not talking tea parties, we're talking real food with real people. Two things made it fun" 1) you get to write it all down in a notebook just like the order books the real people use 2) if you did a good job you got a tip! Yep, real money! Now we all know it's no way for kids to support themselves, but hey, in a jam you can clean up OK.

Our favorite time to con the grownups was at big family gatherings. I'd say "We're bored. Can we play waitress for you guys?" It was more fun with bigger groups because there were other kids to play it with you. The adults were usually easy customers too. Get simple things like another drink, chips, napkins, more potato salad; you know, easy stuff. We'd clear the table as they ate so they could keep grazing as they talked. When the parents had company over to play cards it worked great. If the grownups drank beer it was good, but if they drank mixed drinks you were in trouble. I didn't know how to mix the drinks, so I'd just offer to carry them to the table. Drinking by them meant bigger tips for us. Kids learn early. (I guess as a kid we didn't realize the part about how grownups were getting us to wait on them, clear the table, and do the dishes without us complaining about it.) One time my Great Uncle Carl gave me a paper dollar! It was the 60's and that was big bucks! Whew, we talked about that for a long time!

This past week we were at a real restaurant celebrating our friend Terry's birthday with a cake. She's the Manager of the place. After we cut the cake Terry asked Kaylie and Makenzie to serve some to they customers in the restaurant. Now that was big time! A real restaurant with real customers! They loved it! Everyone thought they were so cute! They would do anything for Miss Terry, she's the best! This one was a freebie too cause she's an awesome person. Happy Birthday!!!

I remember making $3.13 at one family gathering! I was rich! I went to the store and got my Barbie a new outfit and thought I was the best waitress in the whole world! I remember at the end of the night or the end of the party, we'd sit down and count our "pay". Somehow we all ended up with the same amount of money, regardless who worked harder???

Thank you Terry for letting the girls "waitress". They loved it! And it gave me a chance to remember some fun times a s a kid.

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Drive In Movies

Why am I remembering this right now? I have no idea...

I was just remembering when we would go to the drive in movies as kids. My parents would have everyone eat dinner, take baths, then get into our pj's. We still had to wear shoes in case we had to get out of the car.

We would pile blankets, pillows, popcorn, and kids into the back of the car. When we got our first station wagon we thought it would be especially fun because there was so much room! Did you know you can't really see anything from the very back of a station wagon when you are at a drive in? Heck, you can hardly see anything from the back seat either! Especially when there are 6 kids in the car!

I don't remember a single movie from when I was real little. I just remember that Marcia and I were the only ones still awake at intermission. Dad or Mom would take us to the concession stand so we could go to the bathroom. It was weird walking around outside in our pj's, especially with shoes on!

Then came the teenage years. Hey, I behaved! (Remember, I'm the boring one!) Occasionally Marcia and I would go to a movie. She loved the scary ones! She'd try to sneak back from the concession stand and scare me, but most of the time we would go there together to see who else was there. No pj's then! She actually got a job at a drive in so she didn't get to watch movies that often then. She sure let a lot of us in for free though... hehehe...

When Dan and I took the girls to their first drive in, they were 3 and 1. It was challenging as an adult because you had them in car seats until they got tired and fell asleep. Then you'd get out, cover the dome light, and lay them down on the seats. There seemed to be more mosquitoes as adults too? By the time we went to a drive in there were no more bucket seats which really killed any romantic stuff. They didn't have drive ins in England, Spain or the California desert. The kids first experience was when we were on leave back in Wisconsin.

The sad part is, there are hardly any more drive ins left in the country. Although they are gone, their memories will always stay with me. What were your drive in memories?

Appreciating

Think back on all the times when you had someone or something that you just took for granted. It/they were always there to the point you almost didn't even see it/them anymore. I've been spending the past few hours thinking about this.

The most obvious person for me was Dan. He was always there for me, good or bad times. We were so in tune to one another that we didn't have to talk to know how we felt or what we were thinking. Evey night we'd get into bed and discuss the day. We'd guide each other through the rough times and hold each other through the good times. Or was it the other way around, heck it was both, all the time. He did everything for me when both cancers came. I mean everything. Celine Dion had a song "Because You Loved Me" which became my tribute to him and my family. I never would have made it through that without them.

What about family as a whole? Your children, sisters, brother, parents, in laws... You knew you could call and there would be someone to talk to, to listen to, to just hang out on the phone with. (You have to hang out on the phone when you live far away.) I've never been the type to want to call anyone when I was depressed or upset. I could be there to help them, but I didn't like dumping my woes on others. Yet everyone would say I'm here to listen too. And they would be.

Friends. People that started out as acquaintances became major people in your lives. For example: Grandpa Ed. He started as Tricia's bus driver when she was in grade school in Wisconsin. Some people are true living saints. That is Ed to us. You meet people that inspire you to your soul. That is Ed. Today I have a friend Terry who is that type of inspiration. She is goodness to the core. I thank God daily for the friends, family and new people who so change my life.

As for things, let's talk jobs. We whine when we have to work and whine when we are unemployed (me lately). What's the saying "The grass is always greener..."? I long for the day when I don't spend hours job searching, filling out applications, and interviewing. But hey, you can't get a job without the process. Here's my latest kick on material things: what if you didn't have your cell phone, TV, computer, microwave, DVD, or ... CAR! We are so spoiled!

What I think this experience of being unemployed has shown me is that I have a lot, and I don't appreciate it or people the way I should. So for the next few hours I'm going to sit in my chair and just think about all my blessings and how to appreciate them more.

AMEN!

Meeting new Family

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would introduce you to some new relatives? Meet so and so , he's your cousin from your Dad's side twice removed. What??? What did you do to get removed twice? Did it hurt? Where have you been until now? Who are you really?

I was thinking back on the times when we had to introduce our kids to new relatives. Heck, half the time I didn't even know some of them. You'd think your spouses family would be the ones you didn't know, but when they were from your side you felt really stupid. I remember meeting my cousins, the Surings, when we were little. They were four girls and an Aunt and Uncle. Nice people. But for some reason we were "kissing cousins". What the heck is that? We would always give kisses and hugs when we said goodbye, but we did that with most relatives. Here's an interesting fact abut kissing cousins: Kissing cousins are third cousins. This kissing bit came about because the law says you cannot marry anyone unless they are third cousins or further out. Hence, the third cousins were allowed to kiss by law. Now that's a bit of wisdom for your memory banks!

Anyway, this is really all about meeting more new relatives just this past few weeks. I have a new niece Hollyn Haynes who is absolutely adorable. But I also got to meet my other new nieces Kristia and Kairstin. What a nice family. Brian and Chris have a big family now, but they are all so good together. I loved to see them all smiling. Good family!

Now I miss all my other nieces and nephews. It's so hard, because being in the military or living out of state really robs you of time with them. We got nice photos of most of them for the holidays, which helps fill that empty spot. I'll have to get back to work so I can save for more trips to see family.

The Even Years

As I think back over the years, it seems the even numbered years were the best, except for 2004. So now we are starting 2008, even, and destined for goodness.

Great even years:
1976 got married and moved to England
1978 got pregnant with Kristy
1980 got pregnant with Tricia
1990 we retired from the military
1992 we moved to Florida
1996 beat the hell out of breast cancer. (Looked pretty "different" with the Kojak hair.)
2004 beat the hell out of colon cancer.

So here I am facing 2008 with the following goals:
1. Find employment that I love.
2. Achieve financial security.
3. Finish losing the weight I began losing already.

No specific job, no specific money amount, and no specific weight. Just a better year this year.
I'm game, how about you?

Back In The Groove

Remember when you had to do something and it seemed like every time you started doing it you got side tracked? I'm finally back at this blog and ready to keep it going again. Since returning from Philly (which was a great way to start the new year) I've gotten the "Rocky" bug and am ready to beat all of this chaos.

So here we go again...

Where Did These Body Parts Come From?

Did you ever do something and wake up the next day to find aching body parts where you didn't even know these parts existed before? Hence, today...

So I'm officially old now. We moved the majority of my stuff yesterday. Today I believe I have polio. Where the heck did some of these muscles come from? If you've seen me, six pack abs are not in my profile. I prefer to say I have "the puffy look". But today... a 90 year old could beat me in a walker race.

It got me remembering. You know how you always felt you were in OK shape from say, high school, on? We must tell our children old age feelings begin at age 13. I remember the first days of cheer leading tryouts. The hamstrings I felt were so properly stretched felt like iron rods in my legs the second day of tryouts. Guys, if you tried out for any sport, you can relate to this. My shoulders felt like they had swelled to the size of football players with full pads on. All for moving a few extra muscles. HA! Go Titans!! The first snowfall always brings back some hidden muscles. Beautiful, white, pretty snow until the next day. Crap needs to melt and go away!

The real kickers are the little muscles that sneak up on you. Like, hey, let's go bowling! Got to move well with bowling, after all everyone is watching you with each ball you roll. The gutter is where you feel you should go lay down the day after bowling. This was so easy as a kid, now... But the ultimate pain is shooting darts. How can a tiny dart, weighing so little, cause so much bodily harm the next day? Can't lift the coffee cup, pens weigh 5 pounds each, and God forbid you have to sneeze! Remember that?

So for those of you who are gym goers, or health junkies, know this, you too have a memory of a day of pain somewhere in your mind. Just know that my "extra muscles" are screaming out to me today and I intend to not let this happen again. At least not until the next time.

Moving Again!

I'd start this out by saying what move number this is going to be, but to be honest, after 30, you just quit counting. I'm sitting here typing rather than pack anything else. Due to an unexpected trip to Philadelphia on December 27Th we are now packing and moving by next Saturday. UGH!!!

We are going to move in with Kristy and William next Saturday. Actually, on Monday we are taking the first loads over. They will include mainly the furniture they will now get. My friend Heath, from Sports Authority told me today that he could help us move on Monday, so Monday it is. William is off that day too, so we should be able to knock out the heaviest stuff then. I am selling my wall unit, and Heath has agreed to store it in his garage until I either sell it or move again. He's been a great friend through all of this. His kids are close in age to the grand kids, so they all play well together.

This is my last night of rest for awhile. Tomorrow I need to pack everything in Tricia's room, the desk stuff, move the computer and disassemble the wall unit after packing its contents. All of this reminds me of the many moves we've had in the past. Dan was the master truck packer, so I'm sure we will miss not having him there.

This all made me think of the first inter-country move Dan and I had. We were moving from Spain to England. We had all of 30 boxes to our name. We found a cute two bedroom apartment in New Market, England. It was perfect and the location of the famous Thanksgiving dinner I wrote about earlier. The movers came right after Dan left for work that morning. They had everything in the house in just over an hour. It would have gone faster but there was a tea break in there. I remember closing the door and turning around to what looked like so much stuff. 30 boxes! Now I laugh ... 30 boxes.

I opened each box putting everything exactly where I wanted it to go. By mid afternoon I was ready to call Dan to tell him it was looking like "home" in our apartment. Just then the phone rang. It was Dan. "Hey, don't rush to unpack, we're moving to base housing. " I plopped down on the stairs and began to tell him how proud and excited I was to have unpacked everything. He just laughed and said welcome to the Air Force. We were in the apartment for three months and then moved to base housing. You have to laugh!

So here I sit, 32 years later, moving again. It's more boxes now, but it's also without Dan. I'm already hearing him telling me how to pack things and how to disassemble furniture. He's here with us, and he's making sure all goes well. I'll update you on the move itself next weekend. For all of you who are married and reading this, remember your first move together? You have to smile. It was the start of something new and great. This will be right for us too. I'm just so grateful the kids have room for us and are being so helpful.

Family, where would you be without them?

Imagine, Know, Believe

Of everything I've posted so far, this memory is happening as I type and will be with me forever. It is also the hardest one I've ever done.

Imagine it is two weeks before Thanksgiving. You know you are not happy at your job. You've been job searching for a few weeks now. You believe for whatever reason, someone you work with has been sabotaging your work. You aren't 100% sure who it is, although you have a pretty good idea who. You aren't 100% sure why that person is doing it, other than that person has the most to gain from your being gone. You keep moving forward with your best efforts at work, despite knowing all of this. You are a Christian and will not accuse anyone without being 100% sure first. You go in to work as you would normally do, and get called to the main office. When you sit down you are told that you are being terminated. You are told that they no longer want you there. You calmly feel that God is "running the show" as you leave the store. You get in your car. you close your eyes and simply pray. You talk so openly to our Lord and say" I'm giving this over to you. I don't know what to do. I have 100% faith in you and know you will not punish me for doing nothing wrong. You know the truth Lord. I put this in your hands."

You turn on the car and drive home to tell your family what just happened. You are not angry, just numb. Reality tells you that you cannot fall apart. You just pray, pray pray. After talking to your family you get a phone call from a company you had previously submitted an application with and interviewed with. They want another interview that afternoon. "Thank you, Lord. Thy will be done."

At the end of the interview you tell the interviewer that you really look forward to being a part of their company. You hope we will be working together very soon. He looks you in the eyes and calmly says. "Don't worry. We will be working together very soon." On the way home from the interview you call the corporate office, as you were instructed to do, to give your feedback on the interview and let them know that you are still interested in the position. Yes I am, because of who they are and how they operate, not because of the mornings events. You imagine the opportunity, you know you could definitely bring the best to the company, and you believe the Lord himself put this opportunity before you.

Several conversations occur between you and the company you interviewed with over the next few weeks. You expand the positions you are qualified for with them and open your relocation to include 3 states. The contact at corporate could not be more helpful to you. She is amazing. But the decision is not hers. You also submit applications with numerous other companies, although your heart is with the first company.

Imagine it is now two weeks before Christmas. You've realised the situation your family is in due to your unemployment. You know you are doing all you can, and making some truly hard decisions about the future of where you and your family will go next. You believe that your Lord and your faith are your biggest strengths. You will get through this.

Imagine you are opening the days mail today. As you read the letter you know you now have no unemployment to fall back on to survive. The company you were with is telling them they fired you. You believe that you don't have the energy to fight that battle right now. Right now you can only find a way to take care of your family. You pray until you are screaming in your head. You believe you have to do something and once again ask God to take this and help you.

Imagine my day today. Know I have faith that all will be worked out. Believe me when I say that I will keep my promise to Dan and take care of my family. If anyone has any job openings they know of I will happily send you my resume. I will find a way to relocate if needed. I will make this better.

Most importantly: I imagine that our Lord is surprised at how humbled I am right now. I know that He is in charge of what happens next. I believe He will get us through this. This memory will never go away...