Sharing Your Time

One of the things I remember being most challenging as a mother was trying to balance out your time equally between your children. Sounds easy, but there were times when it was really hard. Tricia went to therapy for one to two hours every day, Monday through Friday for several years. While Tricia was in therapy, the time for Kristy was priority. She was already having to wait at times for "her turn" due to medical situations, but as soon as I could, I would give total focus to Kristy. We would play and meet new people while Tricia was in therapy. Granted, many of those people were still related to the hospitals, but then when we saw people later, I was better able to make sure people acknowledged Kristy too.

Once Kristy started school, I tried to do all the one on one activities for Tricia during Kristy's school time. When both girls were home, we could then do fun stuff for all of us. As Kristy became more independent, I noticed Tricia missing her sister more and more. Sometimes it was really hard to help her understand that "we have lots of friends, but only one sister". They were still very close as kids, all the way through school. It was so nice to watch.

When Kaylie had her first day of school this year, Tricia and I were talking about how she remembered feeling like she was losing her sister to school. We thought we'd have a Makenzie only day, to help her have a special day too. Kristy does a lot with her kids. The best part of being a Zamma or Auntie is getting to do things with the kids as we can in our schedule. Makenzie is so advanced for her age that she really loves to stay busy. She cracks us up with her smiles and great one liners...

After a fun day of swimming and learning how to go in the deep end of the pool with Zamma "and not getting scared at all!" we had a S'mores party to celebrate. Truth be told, Auntie and Zamma love the S'mores as much as Makenzie. We all created the snacks together and then "had to taste test all of them". (Well, someone had to do it, right?) Now we have to start thinking of what we will do when Dannen gets old enough....

Tonight we're going to have Hanna Montana Movie Night with Kristy and the kids. I bet we do some Hoedown Throwdown dancing too! We love spending time together and love coming up with fun ideas of what to do next. Sometimes remembering the things I did with the girls stimulates our next adventure. We'll have to see...

It's The Climb

The Climb
Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head
Thats saying"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments
That I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on
'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Never Forget

Today marks the one year date for the worst life changing event I ever experienced, other than death. To be truthful, I felt like a part of me died that day. You see, one year ago today I was officially homeless. It was Tricia and I, living in our car...

From November, 2007, until late August 3rd, Tricia and I were living with various relatives and friends. I'd lost my job in November 2007, right before Christmas. To top it all off, the company I worked at set it up so I didn't get unemployment. Basically, I had bills, my daughter, no income, no place to go...

When I first created this blog I decided to use it to make sure that memories would be something I would try to show others how to cherish. Never was I planning on having so many negative memories become a part of this. But they are important. Life had another plan...

The day we were left homeless I made several promises, both to myself and to Tricia. First, I would NEVER forget that day. There was so much anger in me I was afraid of my own emotions. So I made Tricia a promise. Some how, some way, I knew God was not going to punish us for doing the right thing. I promised her that one year from that day, our life was going to be better. I promised her we would not be homeless, we would not live in fear, and we would never forget the feelings we were feeling that day. Those feelings were what was going to keep me focused on our future. It was going to be only about the two of us, that was all we had left, surviving and changing the future in so many ways.

Living in a car in Florida in August is far from pleasant. To say it was hot is such an understatement. With $2.12 to our name and 6 days until payday, we were going to have to go through hell. But hope was going to be on the other side. I promised Tricia we would have a home of our own in one year. I promised her I'd have a job that would sustain us. I promised myself I wouldn't give up. That would be too easy. Honestly, if Tricia hadn't been in my life then, I don't know where I'd be now. She became my only reason to carry on.

By the end of August the plans were set up to get into a house. Thank God for the friends who took us in for awhile. They understood the situation and will never be forgotten for how they were there for us. Not just with what little financial assistance they had, but because they taught me who really cares, and who just says they care. I mattered to them and so did Tricia. We weren't just trash to be thrown out in the street and forgotten. Most importantly, they didn't lie to me. Those memories are emblazoned in my mind and will go to my grave with me. I WILL NOT FORGET!

By September we were in a house. My part time job picked up. Yes, there were weeks when ten dollars was all we had, but together we made it. November gave us another financial blow, but as I said before, I'll never forget. We had a very poor Christmas, gift-wise, when you speak of material things. But one thing happened that Christmas that I will never forget. A very elderly, dear friend of ours gave us a table top Christmas tree. She told us the story of how she was given one when she was young, going through some rough times. She said that tree was her reminder of the rough times and her celebration of how much better her life became. We took it home, decorated it, and remembered... every time we looked at it. Some days it made me cry, others it made me hopeful. Christmas eve, Tricia and I sat in our room, with our tree lit, and just thanked God for all he had already done for us. We felt hope...

January first we woke to some long awaited good news via an email. Things began to turn around. That little table-top Christmas tree was working hard! I had two jobs and we were beginning to get on our feet. Since then, things have continued to improve. I've re-payed many of the people who were there to help us when we had nothing. There are still two people left to repay. Then we are caught up. It will happen. I have hope...

Recently I've had so many memories running through my head. Five years ago I had just finished chemo from my second type of cancer. Dan didn't even know he was sick. The eight people we lost that year were all still here...

But today it's a different world. We are sometimes bored with how simple our lives have become. But never a day goes by that I don't thank God for all He's given us. Most of all he taught me humility and understanding. He taught me what real friends are. He taught me who I can trust and who I cannot. He taught me to be thankful every day, just for being alive. Now I pray He can teach me to forgive. I still haven't been able to do that very well. But I'm working on it.

And yes, wherever we are this Christmas, our Christmas tree will be with us...