I Don't Need To Say Anything More

I don't need to say anything more. Please go see this and listen. (Hmmm, I think I hear Dan humming in the background.) Turn up your sound!

http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/706270

It's awesome!

A Busy Week

This past week was a busy one here. Early in the week we celebrated my nephew Roberts 12Th birthday. He's a Star Wars lover, so of course he had Yoda on his cake. We had a great family celebration and enjoyed his favorite meal: BBQ ribs, sliced carrots, potato chips and of course the Baskin Robbins ice cream cake.

On Saturday Samantha made her First Communion. She did a great job and looked very pretty. Her Godmother is Marcia and Dan was her Godfather. (If you look closely he's behind her in the picture. :) ) We had a nice time but had to cut it short. Tricia fell at the house so we needed to get her home and get her arm iced. What an ugly bruise. It's one of those that will take several days to really show up.

We were dog sitting for my brother Steve's dog Harley. She is the most well behaved dog! When we got back to Steve's house I think Harley sensed that Tricia was hurt. She stayed right by her side and whimpered when we first took the ice off Tricia's arm. She knew every move Tricia made the rest of the weekend. They were inseparable. I took Harley down by Steve's lake, Wind Lake to give her some outside time. She and I took some walks and played fetch for almost an hour on Sunday. Unfortunately the pictures I took of her watching Tricia sleep did not turn out. I'll try again next time.

If you ever need to relax and do some serious thinking and praying, the area around Steve's house is perfect. I'll let the photos speak for me on that. So, here are a few pics to keep you aware of what's up in our lives.

The Wandering Stranger

It's been awhile since I've been on here and wanted to update the latest and greatest in my life.

I'm truly the wandering stranger now. My job takes me to multiple retail locations each day. Sometimes I'm building a display, filling a display, checking on displays, putting new products in and removing old products, pretty much anything. Is this where I expected to be at this point in my life. NO. But I am employed and ever so grateful for that. Now it's time to get my finances repaired and get my life back. I'm trying hard to get it right.

One thing all of this has reminded me of is just how hard I've worked during my life. I did this type of work when I owned my own businesses and when I started out with Hallmark. It took me a long way every time, but I moved forward and got better positions as a result of the work. I'm hoping to do the same with this. The corporate headquarters for this company is in Tampa, Florida. Admittedly, as the weather gets nicer here, the urgency is diminishing, but I do hope to someday be back in the warmth and sunshine. Who knows where the Lord will take me next???

Tricia and I are keeping busy with little things around here. The Donahues are a blessing for us and have been very welcoming to us. We don't know what we'd do without them. We try to give them "family time" on the weekends and we go visit someone. We've stayed at my brothers home, house sitting and dog sitting, when they were out of town. My Mom had us over for two weekends so far. We've talked well into the night, trying to catch up on the past and get reacquainted. Tricia and Mom have laughing fits which crack us all up. Life is good.

I guess life is designed to keep us wondering. Security and stability may be a lifelong goal for me, but I'll make it. They talk about the circle of life. I used to believe it was about living and dieing. Maybe it's about everything. It may just be a way to improve on how we've done things in the past. Funny how we often times find ourselves saying "if I could do it all again". Maybe we get the chance and just haven't realised it because the situation is different enough to challenge us. Well, if you know me you know I love challenge. I guess this is just another opportunity for me to get it right.

Mixed Emotions

Thirty-two years. Thirty-two years ago today I married the one true love of my life. Wow, was it really that long ago? I can close my eyes and it seems like today. I can close my eyes and remember when I first woke up that morning. It was a sunny, beautiful day. In a few hours I was going to be married! I was on the other side of the world. But I wasn't alone. Just a few months earlier I'd met the man who would change my life forever. We met on December 29, 1975, at four in the afternoon. On April 10, 1976, at four o'clock we would be married. Not ironic, planned. We were just kids, but without a doubt, we were in love. To think of it now seems like a classic romance novel or movie.

We were on the other side of the world in a small village. It was a place called Torrejon, Spain. There were no family members there that day. Only our friends to celebrate the most important day of our lives. Of all the people there, four families stand out it my mind: the Menzies, John was Dan's Best Man, Flora was my Matron of Honor, Annette was my junior Bridesmaid, and Mark was our Ring Bearer; the Croan's, Charlie Croan was my Dad for the day and walked me down the aisle; the Zaragoza's who's adorable daughter Rachel was my Flower Girl ; and the Nelson's, Bob was our Usher. The friends we had there that day were our family as well as our friends.

As the doors to the Base Chapel opened that afternoon, I saw three things: the cross, knowing God was about to bless us and our marriage... for life; Father Hargraven the Priest who would marry us; and Dan. I remember seeing them in that order. I remember just staring at Dan as I walked down the aisle. I don't remember seeing anyone else, once my eyes met his. In my head I was praying the entire walk. God please let me be a good wife to him. Mary, please let me be a a wonderful mother to his children, should God decide to bless us with a family. Lord, in the events of this day, somehow let our families back home feel that they are with us today. I loved our Wedding Day. I still have the small cassette tape we made of our ceremony. We wanted our families to hear it so they could , in their own small way, say they were there with us.

After the church we headed to the NCO Club for our reception. There were about fifty people there. That's the first time I really realised who all was there. We had a wonderful meal, topped with a four layer cake. The top layer was white, to represent us. Then came blue for our Matron of Honor and Best Man. Yellow was in the middle to represent the Bridesmaids and Groomsmen. (We told ourselves that if we'd been in the States this would have been the brothers and sisters we surely would have had stand up.) The bottom layer was pink to represent the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer. It was a rainbow wedding. We cut our cake with a small, silver, Spanish sword we picked out earlier in the month. We drank champagne from a silver Champagne fountain. A small gift shop near the base is where we found our silver Champagne glasses. I still have the sword and glasses.

Everything was over by six that night! We left the Club and went to a beautiful hotel Dan picked out in Madrid. When we opened the door to our room we both burst out laughing. I guess Dan's Spanish wasn't as good as he'd hoped because there were twin beds! We must have stood there laughing for a good five minutes. We talked about the Wedding and the friends who spent the day with us. We were out on the terrazza just watching the city. Then, we both realized we were hungry and decided to change back into casual clothes and get something to eat. After remembering the "twin bed Spanish", we headed back to the Base to ensure we ate what we thought we were ordering.

The staff at the Club were so great to us. We gave them a good laugh though. Dan insisted I order anything I wanted. We were kids on a small budget, but today was our Wedding Day. He wanted this dinner to be memorable. AND IT WAS! You see, I ordered lobster. They placed it before me, a whole, huge lobster, fully intact. Within seconds I heard Dan say "Oh no. I can't sit here with that thing looking at me!" He proceeded to get up and sit at another table. The waiters were laughing. They had served our Wedding Reception Dinner just hours earlier! Now they were watching the Bride and Groom dining at separate tables! They offered to take back the lobster and remove the head so Dan would be more comfortable. We were laughing as the lobster "Pedro", as we dubbed him, was returned to the table, followed by Dan. By now everyone in the Dining Room knew the story and was congratulating us. It was wonderful.

When we left the Club we went to the Service Center to call home. It was the first time I ever talked to my new in-laws. We talked to our families for what seemed like seconds because the call home was so expensive. I remember telling my Mom I was nervous about the night ahead. Would I know what to do? What if I messed up? Crazy things to say to your Mom on your Wedding night, I know. We both cried most of the way back to the hotel. We vowed we would have a 25Th Wedding Anniversary and have all our families there to celebrate the renewal of our vows. In all honesty, there was one good laugh still ahead. When we got back to our hotel room, Dan opened the door and we started laughing about the twin beds again. But it took Dan all of ten seconds, saying "no way", to rearrange that room. We laughed some more.

"Goodnight Mr. Haynes" was the last thing I said. "Good Night Mrs. Haynes" was his sleepy response. I'd give anything to hear his voice again...

Once we retired and moved to Florida it became an annual trip on our Anniversary to go to Disney. We always went to Epcot. The day would start in Mexico. (There is no Spain there, so we improvised.) We'd eat something small there, laugh about Pedro the lobster, Dan would move to another table for a minute, and then sit back with us. The kids had no idea what that was about, but we'd always laugh. At night we'd eat at The Rose and Crown Pub, in England, to remind us of the six years we spent living in England. We'd call our families to say hi that night, even though we never reminded them it was our anniversary. It was our own little "reenactment ritual" but it meant a lot to us. We did, however skip the twin bed part...

Our first anniversary after Dan died we went as a family to Disney. That day, however, we didn't go to Epcot. My heart was so empty feeling. I cried all night, and still do. I'm sure the kids heard me crying and even heard me laugh in the middle of the night as I remembered "Pedro"the lobster and the twin beds. I honestly wanted to die that anniversary. I couldn't imagine going on without Dan. Then, as God always show me, the sun rose and I saw my family quietly sleeping. I knew Dan wouldn't want me to leave them alone. I know we will be together again. So I put the thoughts of dieing aside and decided I'd have an anniversary day to remember.

I was out by the pool, by myself, just thinking. Kristy came up with the rest of the family; William, Tricia and Kaylie. She looked worried and handed me my cell phone. "Mom, Aunt Mary has been trying to reach you. It's important." At first I almost didn't call her back, thinking she was calling to say Happy Anniversary. I remember looking at the phone in my hand and knowing there was something wrong. I called Mary and she told me Dan's Mom had just died. God, no! How could you do that! Why today? How cruel could you be? We packed our things, checked out of the hotel and headed home. We all repacked our clothes and headed for Ohio. Just months earlier we had those same clothes for Dan's funeral. How could this be happening? I drove the trip up there trying not to cry so we wouldn't go off the road. We were all talking about Grandma, and death, and trying to understand why God took her home today of all days... We saw beautiful clouds on the trip up to Ohio. (I wrote about them in an earlier blog post.) We all swear we saw clouds formed like Dan with his arms open to welcome his Mom home. We were all crying then.

We got to Ohio in record time. Mom Haynes died three years ago today, on our Anniversary. That night when I got in bed at the hotel, as exhausted as I felt physically, I knew I was going to have "a talk" with God. I knew I had to try to understand all of this. A calm came over me as I layed in the dark, listening to my family sleep. I remember I was crying and just kept thinking "why?". Then as if God Himself were in the room talking to me, I knew something no one else knew about that day. I remembered the words Dan spoke 29 years earlier. "I wish I could be with my Mom right now. I really, really miss her." I decided that night, that God chose that day to take her home to Him, and so Dan would have his Mom there on his anniversary day...

Until recently I don't think any of the Haynes family realised Mom died on our anniversary. That was understandable. This year, the loneliness of this day is compounded by the fact that for the first time, my anniversary won't be spent at Epcot. So today, Mom Haynes, can you please dance an anniversary dance with Dan for me? I know you loved to dance, and I know he hated to dance. But on our anniversary he always danced, for me...

Today is so full of mixed emotions. I feel joy when I remember you both alive, happy and dancing. I feel sadness, emptiness and loneliness without you. I love you. I wish we were all together again. Someday we will be, just not yet. Happy Anniversary Dan! I love you...

It's A Start

Something finally broke in the area of employment for me. Today was the weirdest day. My first interview call came from Marshalls in Melbourne. Go figure! They are discussing whether they will pay for my flight back for the interview. If they do, I'll go give it my best.

My second call was when I was hired for a part time position not to exceed 40 hours per week. It's a merchandising position but there are no benefits because it is part time. At least I can bring in some cash. But here's the weird part: Due to my experience and the fact that I owned my own merchandising company, they are interested in hiring me for a full time corporate position... in Tampa, Florida. I don't know all the details on it yet, but I'm looking into it as well. The key is to be employed. Tricia and I are flexible as we need the job and the benefits. So I will wait to hear more on it and let you know. At least now I can start working again and begin to once again feel valuable. Unemployment is a horrible place to be and can truly destroy your self confidence and feelings of self worth.

I've completed all my paperwork and am waiting for my first work assignments list. The cool thing is that you can pick and choose which jobs you want to go on. This company os perfect for anyone wanting a flexible work schedule!

I'M EMPLOYED AGAIN!!!! Thank you Lord!