Appreciating the Past Changes the Future

Wow... a lot to think about lately. I've been thinking of all I've been through in the past year and a half. I listen to the news and hear about the economy and job markets. I hear about how many people are now unemployed, homeless, nothing left. I can't help but remember how all that was to live through. I feel like I am a year and a half ahead of the rest of the world.

BUT... then I think of where I am today. I think of all the prayers, family and friends who helped me through all that. I wonder what it could have been like without them. I think of learning so many lessons along the way and how its changed my outlook on so many things. I try to share the hope with others going through it now.

I know I didn't like being on the receiving end, but without it I couldn't have survived. I know I feel much better back on the giving end now. It made me understand how giving has to be done the right way, no string attached, no expectations of people holding up to their promises, no assuming some people would never let you down or hurt you if you needed them. I know who will always be there for me, and who I will go to the ends of the earth for. I've seen the emptiness in my daughters eyes when we had nothing. I've heard the grumblings of our hungry stomachs. I've experienced how people treat people with nothing like dirt.

BUT... then I think of where I am today. We are on our feet again. I am employed and surviving with no fears of the past. I have to keep looking forward. Life is already better. As I've always said, "the cup is always half full". I think of "Footprints" and how we were carried. I'm trying to look for a new person in my life now, who will understand what I've/we've been through and know we are good people who will never give up on life. There is someone out there like that, I know. If God wants it for us, it will happen. I know I promised I'd move on and find someone, I just didn't think the time was right before now. Everyone has their own timetable. Mine is starting again now...

More Girl Time, Yeahhh!!!

I love getting to spend time with my Granddaughters. When they come over, it's just them, Auntie and me... ahhhh! We may do some crazy things, but they will all be memories someday! When they first come over, they love to go out on the patio. I think it's because they can see the pool and hope to be in it soon. It was a bit too chilly last night, but we had a blast anyway!

Makenzie loves hangin' with Auntie. They get to talking and it's like they are in their own little world. Sometimes Makenzie gets moody, but she and Auntie love each other sooooo much!

These pics are a bit out of order, but you can see Kaylie enjoying her patio lunch. We broke the "Girl Time" trend so we could have Dannen join us too. He just slept. Guess he can't keep up with us girls just yet. Give him time!
We watched a movie called Dunsten Checks In. The girls loved it and laughed like crazy. Then Makenzie wanted to play with King Louie because he looked just like Dunsten. Now she wants a pet monkey. Oh-oh.
The girls had their time hanging out with Auntie while I got breakfast ready. Sometimes they help, but today they just wanted to play. Our house has a hallway leading to the bathroom. There's a second door on the other end of the bathroom, leading to my bedroom. Now that the girls know they can run in circles and chase each other through the rooms, they wear themselves out pretty fast.
My bed is up on risers. Kaylie says it looks like a queen's bed. They literally have to climb up to get on it. We go to sleep watching movies in the "Queens Bed".

Makenzie wanted me to take a picture of her "little pony tail".

There's a rule at Zamma's house: if you eat all your lunch, you get Oreo's for a snack! Mmmmm!

Sometimes you can "wear" oreo's on your face too! Just ask Makenzie!

I think King Louie just got renamed to Dunsten....

Kaylie, Miss Independant, was teaching me how to tie her shoes. She's been tieing them for 2 years already. She learned how to tie, watching Little Bill, on Noggin. I think my grandbaby is growing up...

The weather was 80 degrees, so we just sat in the sun and colored. We also played one of Zamma's games. When Zamma counts to 3, just have to freeze, and just listen. Then when she points to you, you have to tell her a sound you can hear. Kaylie heard birds, Makenzie heard squirrels, Auntie heard different birds, and Zamma heard the TV because she was sitting by the patio door. Lots of sounds if you listen closely, shhhhh!

Makenzie's favorite color this week is red. She has to see the word "red" on the label or it's the wrong color. Hmmm, wants to read already!

I'm so blessed to spend time with the girls. When the 4 of us get together, it's all about making awesome memories. We're talking about hanging sheets inside the screens of the patio and making it a giant tent. We may even spend the night out there soon. It's been in the 70's at night. Pretty soon...

All Moved!

Everything is moved over to the new house! Although it didn't go quite as planned, it's done and we're not moving again for a long, long time. We love the new place. It's the perfect size for us and is laid out in a way that Tricia can get herself around to everything safely.

Little Miss Makenzie helped us pack a few things. It's amazing what she finds... This is King Louie, from Disney World, hugging his favorite fan.

Of course, Makenzie loves her Auntie and loves posing with her and hugging her a lot. They've become great buddies!

When Dan and I got married, we were over in Spain, alone, with no family present. As I was trying to be realistic, I saved my bridal veil, knowing I could wear it again for our 25Th Anniversary. The dress... now that was way too small... Anyway, we didn't have a 25Th Anniversary celebration because we wanted to be sure people could attend Kristy and William's wedding, an out of state trip for most of our relatives. Regardless, I found the veil while moving and decided this was a good time for the girls to play "brides". It also gave me a chance to tell them some more stories about "Papa"(Dan). They are much more beautiful than I was.

Bride Kaylie

Bride Makenzie

Bride Kaylie and Maid of Honor Makenzie

Bride Makenzie and Maid of Honor Kaylie

I really thought I'd gone through most everything before the move. Unpacking brought back a flood of memories of the past 30+ years. It's been a good life. I've learned so much about people and life in general. I think it is true that as you get older you get wiser. You learn who and what you can rely on and where you still need to improve yourself. You learn you can't "do it alone" and everyone you meet helps you to weave the tapestry of your life. I've got a lot more weaving to do. It looks like I'm going to be using lots of bright colors to express how well everything is finally going. The most important thing is that your tapestry will only be as beautiful and as strong as you make it. So live well, love while you can, and keep making beautiful memories. Those are the threads that make your tapestry you!

It's Moving Time Again!!!

2009 has been a much better year!

We've found a new house and will be moving in less than two weeks. It's a single story townhouse with 2 bedrooms and 1 bath. We could not have found a more perfect place. Everything we need is on one floor and the layout is perfect for Tricia to get herself around the entire place. There is a huge screened in patio and we are less than 50 feet from the community pool.

I will be sending an email with the address soon. I just wanted to keep everyone updated and let you know we are having a wonderful year so far! Watch for pictures soon!

Goodbye 2008!!!!

I've been thinking of this post for the past few days. So much has happened in 2008, the good, the bad, and the ugly... At the beginning of this year, my resolution was to stay positive. For the most part I was, but there were some events which really tested my resolution.

So let's review: unemployed, no home, no income... whew! The one thing I know I learned was how to receive. How can that be hard, you say? I'm a giver by nature. Receiving is very uncomfortable for me. But, swallow your pride, put away your self image, and do what you need to do to survive. I think the hardest thing about receiving, is to know the right way to give. For years, being a giver was something I didn't even think about. If you needed it and I had it, it was yours. God was always there to refill my cup. But there is a clear and real difference between giving because you really want to help, and giving so you can fill your "charity" square on your bingo card of life. So many people helped us through this year. To many the giving was real, to others we were just a charity case, something they could tell people about, something they could throw in our faces when we least needed to hear it. I learned how easy it was for people to lie. But not to worry. I still appreciated it all and will never forget the help.

We were talking recently about how many times we dreamed out loud of better times and kinder people. I think if I say "when I win the lottery" one more time, Tricia will scream. LOL! (Hey, dreaming keeps you going some times.) We now know what it feels like to have an empty bank account and be living in a car. We know hunger. We know what it feels like to be treated like dirt and talked to like we were worthless. We know how peoples words can leave a scar on our hearts that will never go away. We know who our true family and friends are. It's funny, because I really believed some people when they said they would be there for us, said they were our friends, and gave, even when they rarely ever even saw us. I was amazed to learn how many people judged us by the money we didn't have. We learned unconditional love. Even when we were being judged by people not even knowing the facts, we kept praying and held our heads high. I will never stop praying...

I know our Lord was carrying us this entire year. I describe this past year as if Christ were taking us for a walk through a giant mansion. Each room held different experiences, some good, some bad. Some times things looked beautiful on the outside, but when you got into them you found everything to be fake. Yet Christ held our hands throughout the entire year. He opened our eyes to be able to see the true people from the fakes. He blessed me with a real and true friend, a daughter who never turned her back on me, and the two most wonderful grandaughters ever. He gave me realtives I will forever be indebted to. I am blessed!

The best part of this past year is knowing the future will be better. I pray you all have a beautiful 2009, learn to give unconditionally, love unconditionally, and keep your faithful loved ones close. It will be my year to say thank you to all the people who helped us. I know who you are and know I will be saying thank you loud and clear. Happy New Year!

The Grandchildren's Christmas With Us

We all know the real reason for the season. It's about the birth of the Christ child, the start of something new and beautiful. And that is what this blog is about. My grandchildren always make me smile. They make me want to do fun things and laugh. I watch them and it brings back all the memories of my girls when they were little. We've tried over the years to create special holiday traditions that will become a part of our families history. Since Dan died, it has undoubtedly been difficult to keep up some of those traditions. But we will keep trying and keep smiling as life brings us new and exciting traditions and memories. Here is a collection of photos that have made this year special...

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Daddy's Poem

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow. Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home. Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say. What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone. And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all. About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls. There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats One by one the teacher called a student from the class. To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare. Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there. 'Where's her daddy at?' She heard a boy call out. 'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, 'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.' The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom. And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak. And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. 'My Dad couldn't be here, because he lives so far away. But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know. All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike. He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone. And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart' With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest. Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears. Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life. Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

When she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd. She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud. 'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star. And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he is a Marine and died just this past year, when a roadside bomb hit his convoy and taught Americans to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.' And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mothers amazement, she witnessed with surprise. A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside. Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side. 'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.

What happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt. No one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed. But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose. And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star. And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Palm Bay Christmas Parade

Sometimes you can wait all day for a parade, and then just poop out at the last minute. The girls tried to stay awake, but...

We started out during daylight, waiting for the Palm Bay Christmas Parade to start. Kaylie and Tricia were relaxing and being silly.

These are Makenzie's "Christmas Eyes".

And here are Kaylie's "Christmas Eyes".

Leah, the girls new friend, Kaylie, and Makenzie were being so good!

Auntie Tricia was happy watching the parade.

Kaylie had on her favorite necklace and her special Christmas smile!

Zamma and Makenzie loved the floats!

Zamma had a great time!

We've been good girls Santa! Don't forget us!

Remembering Dan the Magical Way..

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This year we tried to turn things around and begin to embrace the beauty of the holiday season while remembering Dan. In the past 4 years we were focusing on just him, not on how he impacted our lives during this season. This year was different...

We started our day by Tricia, Jan and I meeting Josh at Disney World. You had to know, it was the coldest day so far this year, with the high reaching 62. We froze. We all planned to "do the day" the way Dan would have, enjoying all his favorites. It started with a Monorail ride to Epcot. One of our favorite spots at Epcot was the Rose and Crown Pub, remembering our lives in England and all the friends we have there. We enjoyed a great lunch, having our favorite potato and leek soup followed by Shepard's pie. That's just the way to bring back some great memories. Jan tried an ale for Dan, but she didn't care for it, saying she'd best leave that for Dan. We laughed a lot and just enjoyed the atmosphere. A quick walk through England brought back not just the sights, but even the smells we knew. Mmmm...

You can't go to Epcot without touring the worlds, so off we went. France was our first stop. I must admit, Bevan was also on my mind as I remembered going to Paris. I'm sure he and Dan would have enjoyed a great time there! America is always a good stopping point for anyone whose ever been in the US Military. They keep it very patriotic, making remembering Dan very easy. Germany was decorated very nicely and I remembered the time we spent there with my brother Steve and his family. Dan said he finally felt like he got to know them after that trip. We had to go to Italy and remember my brother-in-law John teasing Dan about the "great Italians"! At the end of the worlds is an area we shared with the memory of Dan's favorite of my cousins, Jerry. When Jerry died, we dropped a seagull in the water there to remember Jerry. It's still there, and I'm sure the guys check on it now and then to be sure it stays there.

Josh left us after the worlds to get things done at home. We thanked him for sharing time with us and once again making this entire day possible for us. We love you Josh! Tricia, Jan and I headed for the Nemo ride and the giant aquarium. It was very nice, but hot in there. We walked around a bit more and decided to head over to the Magic Kingdom for Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Celebration. Just our luck, the monorail was out of order so we jumped on a bus to get back to the park. We got on a different monorail once we got to Magic Kingdom. Dan loved to ride the monorail so we looped the park twice before we got off.

Main Street in Magic Kingdom was decorated so beautifully. Dan loved to decorate our outdoors at the holidays and even motivated our entire neighborhood in Fawn Ridge to decorate. We checked out the decorations, noting which ones Dan would like best. You'll see them on the montage. Tomorrowland was a must see for us and there were indoor things to do there, which would keep us warm, so we went there first. Disney really is magical. It can take your problems away and put your head in a better place. We had to go to Small, Small World as Dan loved to take Kaylie there. There were a few emotional moments as we passed the carousel, remembering Dan taking Kaylie on her first ride... Keep smiling!

By now we were getting hungry again so we had a bite before heading for the show at the castle. Mickey and his friends gave us a great show, including lots of holiday cheer and music. The finale was fantastic! Cinderella decided she wanted the park to look more Christmassy. Of course, Fairy Godmother overheard her and made a change. She covered the entire castle in white lights! It looked like it was covered in ice. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful! As you watch the montage, notice how the castle keeps changing colors. It's just amazing!

During the down times we would talk about how Jan's husband Bob, and Josh would go outside every night to look at the neighborhood decorations. There was a "Tool Time type rivalry between Jan's house and ours for decorating. Kristy, Tricia and Dan would always decorate the outside together. When all our lights and Bob's lights were up, the competition would begin. If one of added a decoration or lights, the other would also add something. By Christmas night we lit up the whole neighborhood! We had our hot chocolate and cookies to warm us up.

Disney World wouldn't end without a parade, and a great Christmas parade it was. My pics don't show all the pretty colors, and the people in front of us kept me from getting some good shots of the dancers, but I'm sure by watching the montage you will still enjoy it. We talked about how Dan and Bob would have decorated everything. Disney missed out on two great decorators! As we boarded the Riverboat to head back to the car, we were exhausted. It was a day full of happy memories and touching moments. Dan would have been proud. We turned a day that was normally full of tears, into a day filled with memories and warm moments. We miss you Dan, but we will be decorating for the first time this year. We won't do it as well as you would have, but we will try... We love you Dan!

A New Life

We all know what today is. We all remember four years ago today. But something has changed this year. Although the pain of losing Dan is as strong today as it was four years ago, today we are beginning to celebrate his life. We have so many wonderful memories of him. Tricia and I made a conscious decision to make this year different. Starting today we are going to focus on the good changes we made and Dan made in our lives.

Dan really didn't care for the Christmas season after the year of his fathers accident. As a matter of fact, he almost hated it. He grew extremely depressed at the holidays. His feelings of guilt for not being able to be there to help his family and his father seemed to sometimes consume him. Slowly, over the years, we were able to show him that there were other good things to remember at Christmas... like what it was really about!

The start of it ironically came at a time when Dan had been laid off of work the day before Thanksgiving. I really thought that was going to be a year he was going to succumb to the depression badly. I sat him down and asked him to try something different that year. We were going to focus on making the holiday about the kids and the true meaning of Christmas. The kids got up on the morning of Thanksgiving and began our routine of preparing the meal. We all had special jobs to do, as in our house, everyone was involved in the meal prep, just like the Pilgrims and Indians. However, on this day, I was the Chief in the kitchen. (Dan usually was as he loved to cook.)

We enjoyed our parades and meal, but then something different happened. Instead of Dan watching football, he disappeared out into the garage. Pretty soon he was calling the girls out to help him. Dan was getting out all the outdoor Christmas decorations! That year, as you can ask the girls, was one they will never forget. Dan made it through the season, still a little down, but determined to move forward.

Whenever our family wanted to have great family time and just "put away" the troubles we may have been going through, we would go to Disney World. It was just a short drive and we had annual passes, so it was easy. We would go to the Osborne Light Show and see all the lights and decorations. Disney would have an annual pass holders night and we would go to it, enjoying the cookies, music, lights and Disney snow!

So today, we are going to move forward in a new way. Our friend Josh has invited us to Disney World again. He is getting us in and helping us to enjoy and remember. We are going to moved forward and change to a positive mood for the holidays. Are we going to forget what today is? Absolutely not! But because of what today is, we are going to remember Dan happy, follow his lead to move out of the depression, and get back to living. I'm sure there will still be tears, but hopefully they will be more happy tears than sad. Dan really wanted to go see the Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party and planned to do so before he got sick. So tonight...we're going! And we will enjoy it for you Dan! We know you will be with us.

Check back with us tomorrow because we will post pictures as our gift to Dan for his birthday!

We love and miss you constantly Dan!