I really remember being three!

My Mom swears I can't remember being three, but there are two events I remember as if it just happened!

The first was the day I thought my sister Marcia and I needed to have an M&Ms party. But I gave us aspirin. Now think about it... white aspirin in a brown medicine bottle really do look like yellow M&Ms. At three, you don't realize there should be more colors than just yellow. You see... CANDY!!! I remember the medicine cabinet was right by the bathroom window. I remember climbing up on the sink and standing with my feet in the sink. It was a piece of cake. The sink was designed to hold me perfect and keep me from tipping over! How cool! I almost tipped when I opened the medicine cabinet door because I didn't realize that ducking my head would make it much easier. I got the big brown bottle out of the cabinet. Aha... I had the treasure! Now to have a party!!!

After I climbed down I remember fighting with the bottle and getting the cap off. There were no child-proof caps then. It was way too easy! Being truthful, when I went to divide up the "M&MS" I didn't split them evenly. After all, I did the hard part of getting them down! So of course, for every one I gave Marcia on my little grey tea party plates, I got "a couple" for myself. Being a pig did not pay off.

I can remember my stomach really hurt and I was sooooo sleepy. The one memory that still makes me queasy to think about was the nuns at the hospital putting the ether mask over my face. Whew that stuff smelled horrible. It kept making me hear sirens and feeling my head spinning. I can still see Marcia on a table next to me as they put that mask thing on her face. I felt scared that they needed to get it off her face or she wouldn't be able to breathe. I remember stuff going in my mouth and then waking up with a sore throat. I don't remember going home, getting spanked or even eating yellow M&Ms for years. Every time I look at one now, I smell ether. OK, so I'm weird. Guess that's why once I met Dan, green M&Ms were my favorite. But then, that's a whole different memory...

The second thing about being three was a horrible memory. It starts with me going in my Mom's bedroom. It was sunny and the light was coming in the window. Mom was coming out of her closet. She was trying to put on her blouse and she was crying really hard. I didn't like seeing my Mom cry! I asked her what was wrong and she said Kelly Paul, my brother, wasn't waking up. I remember stepping on the side rail of the crib. It was down and I could step on it very easily. I reached over into Kelly Paul's crib and tried to pick him up and wake him up. That just made my Mom cry more. She had her blouse on and buttoned by then. She told me to get down and go get Marcia and go in the living room.

The next thing I remember there were firemen coming in the door by the chair in the living room. We never used that door very often. The firemen had on fire suits and were carrying an oxygen tank. I didn't know what it was for or even why they were there. They scared me because of the looks on their faces. I remember the people from upstairs coming downstairs and getting Marcia and me. They took us in their bedroom. The bed was big. We sat at the end of the bed while they tried to put on our socks and shoes. Marcia wouldn't sit still because she was crying. I remember hugging her and saying it's OK. I helped put on her socks. They were white with yellow flowers on them. Mine were white with blue flowers on them. I don't know why I remember the socks so clearly. I wanted to get dressed fast and look pretty for Mommy. I didn't want her to cry anymore.

I remember seeing my brother in his casket. He was laying there with his arm up and his leg bent. He had on a little blue suit with short pant legs on it. He looked like he was sleeping. I remember my Grandma Vetter crying really hard. I can still feel her hugging me and crying.

And that was three...

Understanding me...

So I've succumbed to the land of blogs...

The purpose of this blog began as a way to tell my granddaughters and children stories of my life that would help them understand who I am. The ironic thing is that it's made me really look into myself and see where I've been, where I am, and where I may be going. Those of you who know me realize that I can "go philosophical" on you in a moment. The important thing to remember is that I don't mean to tell you what to do. I'm naturally opinionated. As I grow older I try to keep my unsolicited opinions to myself. Know that I haven't been that way in the past.

I've so often been described as wearing my heart on my sleeve. You always know "where my head is at" and how I feel because I try hard to be honest with people. Far too often in my past, that attempt to be honest, that attempt to say "I care so much that I can't be anything but honest with you, even if it hurts" has gotten me in to big trouble. So already I've learned: Use your head, not your heart, and learn when to keep your big mouth shut. Sometimes I get it right, other times...

As you read this blog, whether it's daily, weekly, monthly, or whenever your little old heart desires, maybe you will learn enough about me to understand me better. As hard as I try to be truthful, I'm human. Know also that I am a Christian. I know He is my rock and my reason to go on. I turn to Him so often that I think I'm on speed dial with Him. He listens and still keeps me here to appreciate this life and all of you in it with me.

I will also probably ramble a lot. Go figure...me? So here we go... "Hold On!!!!"